so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
