so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
