I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
