they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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