still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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