i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize