I hate your face
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
