and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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