WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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