Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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