WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
