Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize