so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
