Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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