This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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