I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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