mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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