I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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