I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
