not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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