I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
