I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
