You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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