Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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