I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
