What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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