my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
