You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
