I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
