The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Buhtt sex?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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