So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
