I'm gonna have a badass scar
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
