I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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