Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
