my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
