I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
