Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
