Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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