i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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