Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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