my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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