Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
