My friends, they love my intelligence
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
