You're so nebulous sometimes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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