She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
