Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
