I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize