i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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