i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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