well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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