How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
