the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize