I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
