ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
