I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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