So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
