it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize