i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
