remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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