I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
