I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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