so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
