so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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