Your face is a jimmy john
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
