i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
