i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
