I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
