i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
