we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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