She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
