nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
