We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
