Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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