we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
