This is not my ceiling
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
