i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
