I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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