Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
