Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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