chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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