I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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