Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
