If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I can text with my tongue
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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