I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
