We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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