My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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