My liver just broke up with me...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
