I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
