Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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