I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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