oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
