I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
