you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
