saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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