are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
