But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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