Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
