My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
