I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
