The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
