Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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