Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
