My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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