Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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