I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
