Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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