I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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