It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
