His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
