I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
