Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
